Retromodgirl

The Beekman 1802, to the tune of Buddy Greco

2011-12-10T10:00:00.008-05:00

The American Hotel. Picture courtesy of The American Hotel site.

Old Sharon Springs, NY tourist sign. Picture courtesy of The American Hotel site.

Roseboro Hotel, Sharon Springs, NY. Picture courtesy of The Roseboro.com site.

I have always loved my adopted area, The Central NY Mohawk Valley, from the rolling hills and farms to the friendly people. Not only is it Amish Country, but it is a superb blend of bucolic scenery, New York State history, antiques, and retro living. But I recently discovered The Fabulous Beekman Boys , otherwise known as Josh Kilmer-Purcell and Brent Ridge, transplanted Manhattanites, and their 1802 farmhouse about 12 miles from me in Sharon Springs, NY. They have a show on Planet Green, and are very active in the Sharon Springs town life. Which is a good thing, because Sharon Springs is a fading tourist town experiencing a cultural resurgence thanks to folks like the Beekman Boys and the proprietors of the American Hotel , among others. In fact, the little mineral springs resort town is now populated by Manhattanites of all sorts, and is more creative and lively because of it. If you want a real old-fashioned rural day trip experience, take Route 20 from Albany, NY all the way to Sharon Springs, and spend time at quaint shops like Cobbler and Company, a refurbished cobbler shop turned antique and novelty store, and The Black Cat Cafe, a wonderful from-scratch bakery and restaurant. For more info on my area, visit the The Mohawk Valley Living blog, and The Sharon Springs Chamber of Commerce site.

Here, for your viewing pleasure, is a look at the Beekman 1802 mansion's fabulously decorated rooms, to the tune of some swank Ultralounge Buddy Greco. What could be better than rural history, retro decor, and vintage tunes? Happy Holidays!

(Click on the Youtube title link at the top of the video screen to see the video in large scale.)

For more Fabulous Beekman Boys Youtube videos, go here.

My Recent Thrift Finds

2011-08-31T16:56:00.005-04:00

While we recover from Hurricane Irene's craziness, I will give you a peek at my recent thrift finds (excuse the crummy Blackberry camera pics):

Fondue pot w/utensils found at Johnstown, NY thrift store: $4. Folding theater seats from old Canajoharie, NY High School, found at Settler's Block Antiques, Canajoharie, NY: $200. The seats are stamped "CHS" and are engraved with old student names.

I scored the only two Designs Pyrex mixing bowls (sorry, only one shown) that were made: the 343 1 1/2 quarts and the 344 3 quarts, $18, found at the Village View Variety Shoppe, Lake Luzerne, NY.

My first Friendship Pyrex Cinderella casserole find, $20, found at the Village View Variety Shoppe,Lake Luzerne, NY.

Southern Belle embroidered dresser scarf, $3, Village View Variety Shoppe, Lake Luzerne, NY.

And the piece de resistance for the week so far: 1950s-70s chrome based barrel chair, $3, found at the same Johnstown, NY thrift store as the fondue pot.

I have lots more pics to share when I get around to capturing them. Happy Thrifting, everyone!

Shared at Apron Thrift Girl's Thrift Share Monday link party.

"I Wish I Looked Like Cindy Crawford."--Cindy Crawford

2011-08-14T11:47:00.002-04:00

This is for all the beautiful women who think they are not. My favorite quote in this video is by Cindy Crawford, who says, "I Wish I Looked Like Cindy Crawford." This is a must-view for all women.

Flea Market Sunday

2011-07-24T19:59:00.003-04:00

(photo credit from Ioffer.com)

We went to the Middleburgh, NY outdoor flea market today, where I scored a set similar to the one above for--wait for it--$11! I have never seen a set like it in any of my Fireking books, or in any antique store for that matter. I also bought a yellow rose tin match holder for $3, a walnut and marble-topped Victorian table for $60, and some vintage advertising crates with great graphics for $5 each. It was a good day.

Are They Still Cool? Bueller?

2011-07-14T22:59:00.001-04:00

This one speaks for itself.

Gene Kelly Pole-Dances!

2011-06-10T22:08:00.005-04:00

I just watched the beginning of The Pirate today with Gene Kelly and Judy Garland, and was surprised to see Gene Kelly pole-dance in a movie from 1948! I mean, where were the censors? Anyway, really hot stuff:

The 325 Square Foot Home

2011-06-04T10:27:00.003-04:00

There is something beautiful, unique and simple about this 320 square foot home, as seen on here on the Consumerist:

Could you live in such a small, efficient little home?

Stylish Home Decor Round Up

2011-04-10T20:33:00.012-04:00

Here are a few home decor treasures I am liking today (click on the links in blue to go to each item):

London Candles, Blisslivinghome.com.

Mermaid Tea Can, Chalinns on Etsy

Eiffel Tower Grater, Pylones-USA.com

Fifty Dresses that Changed the World, Modcloth.com

Marimekko-Samovaari Bed Linens, Crate and Barrel

Happy Birds cushion by RoddyandGinger on Etsy

NYC Globe, Pylones-USA.com

Some Like It Hot Print by Handz on Etsy

Vintage Service for Six, SadieOlive on Etsy

Talk About Cheesy! 1970s Ads

2011-01-14T19:55:00.007-05:00

Close your eyes. Step into the Wayback Machine. Imagine there are no computers, no cell phones, no DVDs or Ipods. Imagine a world with books and skate keys and penny candy, vinyl records and 8 track tapes and hokey tv. A world where running around outside with your friends until dark, or playing with Barbies or Hot Wheels or GI Joes, was the most fun a kid could have. Now, imagine that you have taken a break to watch afternoon television. This is what you would see:

I was 15 when this catchy jingle came out. Pizza hut was a Saturday afternoon staple after rollerskating or shopping for us teens. Tip of the hat to RetroJunk and seanmc31076 on You Tube.

This epitomizes my childhood tv viewing experience. We were so innocent then! Includes the famous Mean Joe Green Superbowl Coke ad. Nod to Genius7277 on You Tube.

More retro tv goodness from Genius7277 on You Tube. This was a time of shlock, cigarette ads and sexism. As you can see, the 50s and 60s hairstyles and clothes still lingered in 1970-71. And dig those mini skirts and the shag carpeting!

I hope you have enjoyed your time in the Wayback Machine. Happy Viewing!

The Funniest Man on Earth

2010-09-25T19:13:00.002-04:00

This is the ultimate in 1980s nostalgia. Jack Rebney, RV salesman and self-titled "angriest man alive," is Winnebago Man in a new documentary about one of the first--albeit unwitting-- viral video stars of Youtube. Directed by Ben Steinbauer, the film features Jack Rebney as they discovered him today, still sharply funny and full of ire. The video itself, which can be found here (beware, not safe for work but outrageously hilarious), is a series of 1988 outtakes from an ad for the 1989 Itasca Sunflyer Winnebago motorhome, narrated by Jack Rebney. It was first circulated on VHS by cast and crew of the ad, which then fell into the hands of VHS tape collectors, who copied and traded it until it ended up on Youtube in 2005. Truly one of the funniest outtakes cllp I have ever watched, and a great statement on the unconscious effect even our most insignificant actions can have on the world. Can't wait for the DVD, which comes out on November 2nd! Read all about Winnebago Man here.

Why do I Love Rotary Phones?

2010-09-05T12:11:00.002-04:00

(Hubby in a rotary payphone booth at the antiques mall)

Why do I love rotary phones so much (ranking right up there with my irrational love for canister sets, atomic lampshades, and chrome)? It's bad enough I remember calling my friends on them as a child! I miss the swirl of the dial as you dialed each digit, and you could not wait for the number to connect! Sometimes even now, I have to look around to find the rotary phone when I am out and hear someone's "retro" cell ring tone...Recently we put a red rotary table phone in our bedroom, and I can now say we are both half-deaf and highly nervous...that was taken out ASAP! We put it there because it is one of the only rooms in this "quaint" (translation, hard-to-live-in) 1920 money pit with a phone jack, other than the kitchen, where the microwave sits. I wonder, how did we stand them growing up?

Orange Rotary Phone
Originally uploaded by redgiantsfan

Will Wonders Never Cease

2010-08-16T11:07:00.005-04:00

Austin, Texas is known as the burgeoning art and crafts mecca of the U.S. After all, it's the place that gave us The Naughty Secretary's Club's Jennifer Perkins, Action Jackson, and Artists for Austin,, to name a few. According to the Austin City Connection, "the creative sector in Austin is a $2.2 billion industry that contributes over $48 million annually to the City tax base and over 44,000 jobs." Part of that vibrant scene revolves around a little diamond in the rough called The Wondercraft,a vintage airstream named Stella turned diy craftsmobile and boutique. According to their website, "the WonderCraft exists to help everyone achieve a more creative lifestyle. The WonderCraft's mission is to propagate daily creativity and passion for its staff, students, local artists and patrons, by way of mobile classes, creative parties and events, and one-of-a-kind, artistic products. These services and products will be offered through a combination of shared space belonging to local businesses and an eye-catching, vintage trailer that travels wherever the need for artistic expression exists. We hope that our iconic Airstream trailer will inspire wonder and leave a trail of creativity in its wake."

Here are some pics of The Wondercraft's innovative owners and boutique:

The WonderCraft gals! top to bottom: Jenifer Bryan, Beth Hempton, Kimberly Sae-Eua & Beth Albrecht.
The Wondercraft's February 2010 Grand Opening.

Renovating Stella.
Stella When She Was First Found in Victoria, Texas

You can buy these here

The Wondercraft is here. If you find yourself in Austin, go explore!

Retro Office Safety Training Video

2010-07-21T22:51:00.001-04:00

I remember the days of pencil skirts, rotary phones, dangerous file cabinets and spilled coffee! Do you?

Pug Calls Batman from His Lair

2010-07-21T21:19:00.005-04:00

If you are like me (ahem, old), you remember a certain Batman cartoon on Saturday mornings in the early 70s. Watch as a cute and talented pug summons Batman from his Batcave, complete with retro cartoon images from the show! Via Urlesque

Vintage Sale Drive for Atticus

2010-06-25T14:33:00.005-04:00

One of my all-time favorite bloggers, photographers, and retrolovers, Lara Rossignol, from the blog Piewacket, is having a fund drive to benefit her ailing kitty, Atticus. You can read about his medical issues here:The Atticus Project.

You can visit her etsy store here:

Please patronize her etsy shop and give aid and love to Atticus!

Etsy Favorites Roundup

2010-06-18T19:45:00.011-04:00

Vintage Mid-Century Covered Casserole, retroactivetreasures, $$38

Orange Orchard on a Pedestal Mugs, youareyou, $19

Aluminum Art Bracelet, lostelizabeth, $$32

Vintage Pickup Truck Pillowcase Set, branchhandmade, $18

1950s Glitter Glamour Dress, fabgabs, $68

Mr. Darcy Proposal t-shirt, brookish, $22

I Love You Blogs and Coffee print, jenniferramos, $25

Heart Shaped Flour Scoop, beehivekitchenware, $$40

Gingko Dipping Dish, by hopejohnson, $20

My Garden Saga

2010-04-17T18:51:00.016-04:00

Now that planting season is here again (praise the gods!), I am full of ideas on what to grow this year (flower bulbs and seedlings are quaking in fear right now). As a born-and-bred urban apartment dweller until 2005, gardening in the fresh air on my own land had always just been a sweet dream. So, for the five often fun, often frustrating, often clueless years of being a rural homeowner, my front and back yards have been the victims of ongoing gardening "experiments."

Here are some pics of my gardening "attempts" over the last five years:

This is what we started with:

Not bad, right? But it was a little bland. Silly me started to dig up that beautiful front lawn to see if I could grow a small flower garden in the middle of it. Here are some of my "tries":

Impatiens, nasturtiums, some rocks dug from the soil, a $2 shrub from Wal-mart,some gladiolas, a thrifted miniature wheelbarrow with a nest that fell from our lilac tree. That was fun for awhile, but I was a little...unimpressed. So I dug it up and started a wildflower patch:

That was fun too, but all it got me was some scraggly cosmos and poppies and a lot of weeds. So what did I do? I decided to dig up more front lawn and go bigger:

We had nice mix of black-eyed susans, purple coneflowers, sweet william, forget-me-nots, rose mallow, candytuft and more, but it was still a little...unkempt. Though it yielded some beautiful bouquets and attracted hummingbirds and butterflies, I like an organized garden, or so I thought. I can't show you the rose garden I started in the wildflower garden's place because...well...it got eaten by Junebugs the size of Volkswagons. Sigh.

So at present, our front lawn is in shambles and our front shrubs are torn out to make way for a more appealing, low-maintenance, and spider-free garden (the shrubs were shrouded in thick white cobwebs, so lovely). Meanwhile, the shrub trunks are still in the ground, claw-like and eerie-looking, because we couldn't get them dug out before winter last year. What to plant in their place?

Here are some perennials I am thinking of adding this spring:

Purple Ice Plants

Galaxy English Daisy Mix

Blue Cascade Rockcress

Manhattan Poppy

Dwarf Sorbet Lilies

Double Lilac Geraniums

All can be found here at Dutch Gardens.

Spring has sprung, my garden muse is working overtime, and the ground trembles as I pass. Here's to another great botanical "experiment." Wish me luck. 'Cause I'm gonna need it.

Alyssa Starelli - Atomic Houses for Atomic People - Portland, Oregon

2010-03-23T21:50:00.011-04:00

(Click on the banner to visit the site)

Meet Alyssa Starelli, founder of The MCM League , a non-profit dedicated to saving Portland, Oregon Googie and Mod architecture. She is also a realtor for time-capsule mid-century mod homes in Portland. As she states on her site: "From 'mid-century modern' to 'arts & crafts', my background and passion for historic architecture and my comprehensive knowledge of Portland will make your home buying experience less of a chore and more of an adventure! I specialize in mid-century architecture, and I do really get it!! If you have a hankering for originial marmoleum, or knotty pine, post and beam construction, atriums and carports, I've got your number!!"

Here are a few of her satisfied clients and their swanky homes:

Amanda Killoran, Graphic Designer/DJ/Drummer
Lents, SE Portland

Brittany Powell, Artist
South Tabor, SE Portland

Jim and Michelle Gringeri-Brown, Editors Atomic Ranch
Eastmoreland, SE Portland

Here are her unusual and innovative fliers (click on any for a larger view):

Her site even has a ! Here are a tantalizing few:

Come visit Alyssa's realty site if you love browsing 50s-60s real estate listings, or just enjoy daydreaming about living in the ultimate MCM home in one of the most stylish cities in America.

Great Depression Cooking with Clara

2010-03-12T15:59:00.013-05:00

I just discovered this fascinating, real-life Upstate New York Great Depression-era cook and blogger, Clara, whose blog is Great Depression Cooking With Clara.

From her Blogger profile:

"Clara is a 94 year old cook and Great Grandmother. She is 100% Sicilian-American and grew up in a Chicago suburb, Melrose Park. She survived the Great Depression and claims to have actually gained weight during America's worst state of financial despair. How did she accomplish this? Check out her cooking show and discover her secret!"

From Amazon's description of her cookbook, Clara's Kitchen:

"Clara Cannucciari is a 94 year-old internet sensation. Her YouTube® Great Depression Cooking videos have an army of devoted followers. In Clara’s Kitchen, she gives readers words of wisdom to buck up America’s spirits, recipes to keep the wolf from the door, and tells her story of growing up during the Great Depression with a tight-knit family and a “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” philosophy of living. In between recipes for pasta with peas, eggplant parmesan, chocolate covered biscotti, and other treats Clara gives readers practical advice on cooking nourishing meals for less. Using lessons she learned during the Great Depression, she writes, for instance, about how to conserve electricity when cooking and how you can stretch a pot of pasta with a handful of lentils. She reminisces about her youth and writes with love about her grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Clara’s Kitchen takes readers back to a simpler, if not more difficult time, and gives everyone what they need right now: hope for the future and a nice dish of warm pasta from everyone’s favorite grandmother, Clara Cannuciari, a woman who knows what’s really important in life."

Here is a commercial for her cookbook:

Enjoy this wonderful sample of Clara's cooking genius:

And here is a charming sneak peek into her retro-furnished kitchen, her stories, and her amazing arm-wrestling with one of her great grandsons:

You can purchase the Season One DVD of Great Depression Cooking with Clara here. This swanky lady also twitters! And you can buy her cookbook here.

Mad for Madmen Barbies!

2010-03-12T15:12:00.006-05:00

From this:
To this:

As seen on the blog Whorange, and on the Madmen blog, among other places.

From the Barbie Collector site:

"Mattel, Inc., Lionsgate® (NYSE: LGF), and AMC announced today the launch of four Barbie® Collector “Mad Men” dolls available to consumers July 2010. Designed by Barbie designer Robert Best, the “Mad Men” Barbie doll line features key players from the Sterling Cooper Advertising Agency: creative director and leading man Don Draper; his wife Betty Draper; Sterling Cooper partner Roger Sterling; and bombshell office manager Joan Holloway. Today’s announcement marks the first licensed doll line in the Barbie Fashion Model Collection, a signature silkstone collection within the Barbie brand known for featuring couture quality fashions and accessories.

The “Mad Men” Barbie Collector doll collection embodies the “Mad Men” series’ couture fashions and accessories, and its iconic 1960s style and aesthetic. The series, which is produced by Lionsgate and airs on AMC, has made history with its multiple Emmy and Golden Globe Awards by chronicling the lives of the men and women of Madison Avenue advertising in the 1960s. Season four of “Mad Men” premieres this summer.

Gracefully molded of Silkstone®, a material that resembles the look and weight of porcelain, each doll is stylized in iconic costumes from the series, and comes with accessories true to their show counterparts. Don Draper wears his classic, polished red-lined suit and comes accessorized with a hat, overcoat and brief case; Betty Draper’s classic look is captured with unparalleled detail, from her faux pearl necklace to her pumps; Joan Holloway looks chic in a purple skirt suit and perfectly styled coif with her staple accessory — a pen necklace; and Roger Sterling is looking dapper in his monogrammed shirt.

Fans can get exclusive collectible sketch drawings of the “Mad Men” Barbie Collector dolls when the Season Three DVD hits stores on March 23, 2010 as each DVD set will include one of the four character sketches. The Mad Men: Season Three DVD contains all 13 episodes of the season and is also loaded with hours of special features including extensive commentaries and innovative featurettes that examine the historical events that shaped 1963.

The Barbie® Fashion Model Collection “Mad Men” Barbie® dolls will be available for a suggested retail price of $74.95. Available at BarbieCollector.com, amctv.com and select retailers."

Get yours at Barbie Collector or at AMCTV.com.

1930s Tested, Mitt Romney Approved

2010-03-11T06:56:00.005-05:00

From an ad in the June 1936 edition of Popular Mechanics. As seen here and here and as part of today's AOL "Couldn't Make These Up" news items.

Back to the Future with Charlie's Angels

2010-02-15T08:40:00.005-05:00

I am old enough (cough cough) to remember the original Charlie's Angels series. Dig the clothes, the hair, the old school phones and other gadgets, and the general hokey atmosphere of this fun retro show!

Charlie's Angels Pilot Episode

Here's Looking At You, Kid

2010-02-12T18:30:00.007-05:00

(Pics courtesy of Everyone Goes to Mick's)
Everyone Goes to Mick's is the wonderful blog of Mick Jordan, who, as his Blogger profile states, is a "Jr in College and I love everything about the 1940's, 1950's. I own a tiny cabin that was built in 1943 and this blog is about everything that goes on there, tips on how to get fantastic vintage and retro finds and just a place to share that cool stuff!" This video, from Mick's Youtube site, showcases the little cabin he bought at 14 and renovated over the next 4 years to retro perfection. He even has a tiny drive-in theater in his backyard! Mick's charming retelling of how he bought and fixed up the Casablanca Resort and Hotel is an enchanting, inspiring read.

And here is his Christmas video:

Find Mick's blog here.

Vacation Palm Springs | Midcentury Life

2010-02-12T11:15:00.004-05:00

Looking for a unique, relatively inexpensive "tropical" vacation? Look no further than this vacation home from Palm Springs Midcentury Modern Homes & Condos.It is listed at $275/night, $1400/week in Winter, and $250/night, $1295/week in Summer. It is also for sale for $489,000. Quite a deal for for California!

As seen here.

One day as a perfect 1950s wife - Times Online

2010-02-12T09:42:00.002-05:00

(a big thank you to Anne Taintor for the pic)

From The Times Online, March 9, 2008:

One day as a perfect 1950s wife
With apron, cocktail dress and coq au vin, our writer takes her husband back to a time when men had everything their own way
Rosie Millard - Housewife

After 14 years of matrimony it is beginning to dawn on me that I’m a bad wife. I’ve done the childbirth thing – very enthusiastically, four times – and I think I’m okay at mothering. I don’t shrink at getting up in the night to sort out a wet bed, I can knock out a Little Woolly Lamb fancy-dress outfit with five minutes’ notice and I can do a mean school project on whatever subject necessary.

I’m a passable adult, too: a lovely dinner party guest, a loyal friend, daughter, sister. But as far as doting wife goes, I think I lack form.

Indeed, only this morning I shouted a bit at Mr Millard before selfishly going for a run, only to return an hour later and shout at him again for not taking the dog out. I think I even called him an idiot.

Of course, I love Mr Millard but do I dote on him? Do I look after him? Do I nurture him when he is ill? I’m not at all sure that I do. Our set-up is based on equality, you see. We were married in the 1990s, not the 1890s. He’s a better cook than I am and has a much better bedside manner.

But does all this equality make him happy? When I murmur to him at 6am that he can probably find the paracetamol himself and could he, by the way, make me some tea, I am doubtless enhancing the female cause of parity in matrimony. But am I enhancing his life?

Do I have supper prepared and a drink ready for him when he arrives back from work? No. Do I ensure that the house is immaculate and the children freshly spruced when he turns up? Not really. Do I even change for supper? Unless you count getting into pyjamas, no. But today I’m going to do my best.

What has brought this on is a survey, published last week, which compared the perfect 1950s housewife with her 2008 counterpart and asked 2,309 men what kind of woman they preferred. The majority seemed to prefer living with feisty modern babes rather than glorified butlers who change for dinner. But can that be right?

Chez Millard, in any case, it is 1955. For one day. And we are about to put the survey to the test. At 3.25pm it dawns on me that if I’m supposed to be living in the 1950s, in the next three hours I must a) have dinner ready, b) tidy up the house, c) light a fire, d) organise the children for inspection and e) tart myself up. I already feel exhausted.

While the children eat baked beans, I start preparing “a favourite dish” for their father. Usually, of course, it’s the other way round. I decide this shall be those 1950s favourites coq au vin and plum pie with cream. Halfway through the exercise I realise I have no plums, so a lightning dash to the Coop must be factored in. With my apron still on.

At the Coop I grab a bottle of tonic for Mr Millard’s G&T. It takes me about 10 minutes to find it. I realise this is because it is about 15 years since I last made one. Well, we usually share a bottle of wine over supper. Drinks before a midweek evening meal seems a totally antiquated custom, rather like dressing for dinner. Yet when I was young I remember my mother changed most nights before we sat down to eat.

Back home I knock out the pastry and do a bit of hasty tidying-up. Of course, the notion of Mr Millard arriving home off the 6.20 from Water-loo, like a 1950s dad, is a myth. Thanks to wi-fi he has been working from home all day and is stationed in the living room reading the paper.

By the time the coq au vin is bubbling nicely, Mr Millard has gone out somewhere. Where? I don’t know. But presumably it’s not for wifey to question his actions.

In the bathroom I light a Natural Magic “tranquillity” candle and freshen up with some “intense mineral destress body polish”. I bet the housewives of Anthony Eden’s Britain never had holistic treatment candles and detoxifying exfoliators. It was Pond’s Cold Cream or nothing.

I open my cupboard and select a G&T-style dress to wear. “Where are you going?” ask the children. “Oh, I’m just changing for supper,” I trill brightly, rootling through my underwear drawer. “What are those straps on your legs for?” says the five-year-old. “Oh, these are just suspenders, darling,” I say vaguely, hoping my unusual lingerie will contribute to the retro mood. Well, you’ve got to do the 1950s thing with aplomb.

Of course, wives have been bombarded with advice on how to conduct themselves for centuries. Amazon lists more than 3,000 titles, including the Daily Guide to a Better Marriage, the Muslim Marriage Guide and A Couple’s Guide to Boosting their Marriage Libido. Last year’s Christmas bestseller, Don’ts for Wives, first came out in 1913 and is full of peerless advice such as: “Don’t expect your husband to be an angel.”

Mostly husbands in these guides tend to be presented as amiable types suffering appallingly boring days, who are in desperate need of a wife not only for an immaculate house and children but also to give love, comfort and solace in sackloads. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

It’s about time for Mr Millard to come home. “Children, line up!” I say to the junior Millards, some of whom are now bored with this game and must be physically manoeuvred away from Cartoon Network. So, when we hear the key in the lock, everyone is lined up, faces shining, hair brushed, arguments abated. “Shut up, everyone,” I cry. “The house has to be a place of peace and tranquillity.”

In he comes. We cluster about him in a spirit of rather unfamiliar welcome. The younger two look wildly around, almost as if they’re expecting the Easter Bunny to come hopping in alongside him. Well, Daddy doesn’t normally turn up with such a hullabaloo. I remove his coat and deftly present him with a G&T. His face brightens. Even though he knows this is a game, it’s still a good moment. “Haven’t had one of these for years,” he murmurs, sitting down on especially plumped-up cushions while I remove his shoes.

From then on it’s rather a breeze. There’s no cooking to do since supper is already prepared. The children are ready for bed. I smell of ylang-ylang and detoxifying grapefruit, plus I’m in a cocktail dress. With stockings. We have a delicious meal at the disconcertingly early hour of 7.30pm.

He talks to me about his work. I shut up about mine. Normally, I’m afraid, it’s the other way round. I allow him to fall asleep in front of Fiona Bruce. And when we venture upstairs, I remember that my duties as a perfect wife are not quite over.

As seen here.

***Retromodgirl***